Here’s what you missed on Glee: …And Brittany S. Pierce loved her some dick, couldn’t get enough of that purple pickle, cheated on Santana repeatedly with good ol’ Captain Winky. Just a bisexual girl, living in a lonely world, she took the Big D-Train off to MIT.
Sam wishes he had cool stuff to worry about like Blaine does, like how last names work for gay couples, but instead he’s just got lame problems. Like it’s been three weeks since Brittany — the girl he tried to marry — left for Hogwarts, and oh, he’s just so tired of being single. “I just hope wherever Brittany is, she’s getting copious amounts of cock,” Sam says. “That girl loved her a one-eyed snake.”
Remember how Brittany sneaked out during the middle of her awesome achievement and did penis-vagina sex in the parking lot, committing lesbian adultery on Santana because she couldn’t help herself because mmm boy, tally whackers!
I’m sorry, what’s that? You don’t remember any of this this shit I’m saying about how Brittany was constantly f*cking over Santana because she was addicted to dick? Maybe that’s because IT NEVER HAPPENED.